Reality

I went to a bookstore ..a very famous one somewhere near my house...last night. Next to it was quite a famous restaurant in the area. As we..we as in my hubby and daughter...were passing by the restaurant I saw a group of boys sitting at one of the tables..

Among the group were a few familiar faces..one was very familiar. I could actually see them clearly though it was only for a few quick minutes.. sigh..

Reality hit me...my boy has grown up. My endless prayer that he will always be under Allah's blessings, guidance and rahmah...successful dunia akhirat..ameen..

Laksa Sarawak

Yes..sarawak laksa for lunch..managed to fix a quick one just now for the kids...unfortunately the bee hoon was overcooked..coz did the whole thing in the midst of doing things in front of the computer..but kira oklah ..janji boleh makan..

Ok I am preparing for my proposal defense..really pray that Allah will help me on this one..Dialah sebaik-baik pertolongan...Ameen..

The Sarawak laksa is just delicious...ermm..masuk bakul sendiri..

The Mood is here

It has been like 5 months since I last wrote...where shall I begin now..am actually contemplating on what to write...what to focus as there is so much going on in this head:

1. My study

This whole semester is serious work..previous semesters were more on the courses and exams..met my intended supervisor (as she is not officially appointed yet but she works with me committedly nevertheless) fifteen times and I have already submitted a short proposal for my topic defense..err not yet proposal defense. I am confident InsyaAllah that it is going to be accepted as both of us had put in a lot of efforts and hours into the work. I am being positive here coz' one of the lecturers said "what if this is not accepted" but I wasn't quick enough to answer..anyhow, I am prayinh hard now.

2. Vacation

In the midst of preparing the short proposal I managed to take a week getaway with darling husband. Something I had never dreamed of but Alhamdulillah to Allah the Almighty..the best Planner of all. Will write about this in another posting.

3. Family Matters

Everything is as usual. The children are doing ok..the same routine. I am praying for the best for all of them especially for the eldest as this is an important year for him..SPM. I have given him all that I possibly can. It is now up to him to make it happen.

MIL's condition is average. She won't be getting back to her condition considering her age. I had a fair share of taking care of her in her worse conditions..alhamdulillah. May she be strong in facing the days ahead as she is immobile now and the challenges surrounding her. All the things that happen to her really humble me. Some things are sad but the most important thing is the lessons learnt from the whole episode. What goes around comes around. For the time being, pray hard.

The title doesn't reflect the content huh?

BLESSED

It has been a while since I last wrote..

Alhamdulillah, today I was blessed with the opportunity to have an academic discussion with my phd peer..Agaban..a Sudanese. His insights has undoubtedly enlightened me on many aspects of my dissertation. I know that we should have more of such discussions so as not to be "lonely" in this whole phd journey. Another thing that keeps haunting me is the "reminder" given by one of my lecturers - "you don't want to be a half'-baked phd holder, do you?" and that scares me..:(

Anyway, on a brighter note, I received a few more articles in my email from another dear friend of mine who has been very motivating, supporting, encouraging, etc from the moment I applied to further my studies until today ..my dear friend Suharti..may Allah bless you and Agaban too..

There is still so much to do...may Allah be with me all the way...

Social Development Theory (Vygotsky)

http://www.learning-theories.com/vygotsky-social-learning-theory.html

Kak M*** - Part 2

Last April I wrote about kak M***, my childhood friend, who was my mentor, my role model and still is....actually, she is more of a sister that I do not have. The long period that we are not keeping in touch does not mean we do not remember each other..we in fact keep our numbers..but we just do not call one another..both of us are busy..and I guess we mutually understand the situation but evidently we are still very close at hearts...till today. In this post I am going to reveal another reason why I have been keeping our distance. I mentioned in my April's post that she was well off, the social status kind of thing..honestly, I was just scared that I would feel or be out of place thus the distance. On the few occasions that we met, though, she was still the same old kak M*** that I knew..never once that she made me feel unwanted, out of place..I je yang rasa gitu..can't help it though..
This friendship was renewed on a new level in Syawal 2006 when I called her and told her that I wanted to visit. Strangely, this was the year when I strongly felt like meeting friends that I had not seen for a while. Alhamdulillah, I managed to visit a few. From then on we smsed each other on certain occasions..thanks to the new technology. Last year, she invited me to her daughter's (H) wedding which I attended. Then, she invited me to her grand daughter's 'aqiqah' which I did not attend and she smsed me a few days later asking why I did not come to the ceremony. So I promised to visit in a few days' time. A few days later I went to visit her, H and baby K. I spent a few hours with her and we caught up on so many things. When I reached home after the visit I received this sms from her (which I still keep til this day): Ass'kum Yati..thank you so much for taking your precious time visiting kak M*** n family especially K, I am touched. May Allah swt kekalkan n berkati silaturrahim kita. Thanks again dear. look after yourself. Lots of love - Kak M***. I felt strange then, I sensed something but I just brushed off the thought and replied the sms telling her that the feeling was mutual. Now, I know the answer to the strange feeling..but read on to find the answer. I will definitely keep this one particular sms.
Late Sunday night I came across an fb posting by another daughter of hers mentioning something about "my mama's chemotherapy and radiation begins"..luckily she was still online and I managed to get the necessary information from her....I was speechless, tears kept rolling down and I immediately took wudhu' and performed my solat..I could not really sleep that night, could not wait for Monday morning to come to call kak M***..
Kak M*** was diagnosed with breast cancer about a month ago. She underwent the mastectomy recently. Her chemo sessions will start very soon..
I visited her yesterday and she related the whole thing to me..we talked, we laughed, we cried..but I know she is one strong beautiful lady..,..the strong support from her husband, daughters, sil and other close family members will definitely help her in this challenging time....I know God Willing..she will pull through..
The sms in red above..well, I actually asked her about it and she told me she felt rather "sayu" or a kind of sadness crept into her after I left, thus, the sms that she sent..somehow I related that to this "news".
The memory of the time spent with her yesterday will always be in my mind..I stayed until she had her lunch..soon after that I had to leave for I knew that she needed to rest..she was expecting another visitor later in the afternoon..
Saying goodbye was difficult..she hugged me tight..we exchanged encouragements and promises..and I promised to come back and visit after her 6 cycles of chemo..
The saddest part..as I was walking towards my car..she waved at me and kept on saying bye Ti, bye Ti..repeatedly..of course at this my tears kept rolling down my cheeks..but kak M***, know this.....you are a fighter..I know that...Allah has chosen you for he knows you are capable of facing this challenge ....I will see you in 18-20 weeks time..my prayers will always be with you..

Boarding School?

I did not feel like writing about this earlier but today somehow I feel like writing about this specific..issue? Whatever you want to call it..As a student, particularly, when I was in primary school I really wanted to go to boarding school. Unfortunately, fate had it that it was not meant to be..not that I did not do well in primary school..oh yes I got to stay at hostel but only as a warden when I first started working..had to.. ermm forced to..saya yang menurut perintah..so, when my son was first offered to a boarding school in form 1 I was actually sad that we had to turn it down..the reason: my husband did not want him to go. I failed to persuade him and he was very firm on this, could really see his anger. The second time he was offered a place in another boarding school very near to my house, I thought both of us could rationalize it with the father but it turned out to be that my son had a change of heart..he did not want to go..so, there went my dream. I know that if we were to debate the issue of whether it's better for the children to be at home/in a day school than in a boarding school, there would be endless arguments. At the end of the day it is left to the kid (at his age) to decide..but somehow deep inside my heart I actually wish that he had given it a try..despite the fact that the major obstacle would be to get the father's permission..sigh...